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Preteen Boy

Posted on July 16 2012


Related article: Date: Sat, 23 Oct 2010 20:16:29 -0400From: frozentruallygmail.comSubject: Series Title: Dreams // Installment Title: Dreams - Nick Foreword:I am a 19 year old male who attends college. I am a gaypedophile who is, for various reasons (Some obvious, and some describedbeneath), closeted. Unlike most gay people I have never truly accepted thisfact. It's not that I haven't accept my pedophilia, but more that I haven'taccepted my homosexuality. I feel sick whenever I masturbate and I am guiltridden whenever I think sexually about anyone (Be it someone my age oryounger). I laugh whenever I hear someone say that gay people aren'tlooking for a cure simply because I am looking for a cure. No, I am notdepressed but I fear that one day I may become Preteen Boy depressed due to my moroseview of life.Just to give you a full picture I will describe myself, although Iam absolutely horrible at descriptions of myself. I have black hair, am 5'9" and weigh 170 pounds. I am not of an athletic build but I am not fat byany means. I wear mostly brand-name clothes because that is what my friendsdo. I am a follower, not a leader. I prefer the number 2 position, theadvisor role, instead of the leader role. I enjoy having power but do nothave the confidence to command it.As a word of caution, I am not a professional writer and Idefinitely cannot portray the emotion of the people in this story asaccurately as I want to. Normal nifty.org standards apply. The usual of ifyou are not allowed to read this, don't. All of that. Feel free to e-mailme Preteen Boy at frozentruallygmail.com with any comments, questions, orsuggestions. Thanks for reading. It all starts with a dream. A simple dream about a boy that I likebut can never have. It all starts with Nick. But first, some background onhim. Somewhat as a memoir for myself.Nick lives in my neighborhood, across the street in fact. I firstmet him when I was in either seventh or eighth grade. It had just snowedand I was shoveling my sidewalk. I saw Nick and his sister playing a gameof catch in full winter suits. Even in that much clothing and during thesnowstorm I could see his striking features. I couldn't place it because Preteen Boy itwas still snowing, but it was definitely one Preteen Boy of the cutest boys I had everseen. I didn't even know his age, his name, Preteen Boy or anything about him but as Ifinished shoveling and passed by him I offered an awkwardly weak "Hey,how's it going?" Apparently I had said it too quietly because he responded"What was that?" I winced visibly and repeated the question and he said"Oh, good."That was my first interaction with him and to this day I have madelittle progress on my awkwardness. I have had several crushes throughoutthe years but Nick has always been my recurring crush. I've learned a lotabout him over the years, since I do talk to him regularly. He's only twoyears younger than me but due to heart surgeries when he was younger he isfour years below me in grades. I'm currently a college sophomore while Nickis a high school sophomore. I come back from college on certain weekendsunder the guise of studying, simply just to be able to see him. He used tolook extremely boyish but over the past two or three years has grown intoan extremely attractive and good looking man. Even with his physicalchanges it amazes me every time to see that he still maintains a childishattitude. Carefree but still able to be serious. An attitude that I yearnto have and encourage all I know to maintain. All of this I am trulyattracted to. And yet I know, due to him having a girlfriend currently,that my crush will not be reciprocated. And still I dream? I just came back from one of the weekends I spent at home. I chosea college relatively close to my home so that I could return when I wantedto. Recently I had been doing this more often because I had become betterfriends with my current crush Nick, who lives across the street from me,over the past summer. In any case, as I walked into my dorm I noticed thatthe blue walls had faded and the bricks seemed more crumbled than usual. Ichalked up the bleakness of my surrounding to me being back at school andmy brain making everything seem more boring. When I got to my floor Irealized that the door to my room was gone.I glanced around thinking that I was on the wrong floor but afterrealizing I was on the correct floor I went over to my RA's (ResidentAdvisor) door. She informed me that the entire floor had been divided intotwo common rooms. We were all to sleep in one gigantic room with almost noprivacy. Being a closeted homosexual this posed a huge problem since Iwould be sharing the room with close to 20 other people of variousgenders. I couldn't understand what the Residence Hall Association wasattempting to accomplish through this act. Infuriated, I stormed into theroom.At first glance the room looked like a prison. The windows wereopen, but barred. The twenty beds were piled in closed to one another. Andwhile there would be ample room to rearrange the beds, the beds were allbolted to the ground. Faces I didn't recognize were moving around the room,but I just assumed that they were from the other side of the hall and Ijust didn't know them. There was one corner of the room with threemicrowaves and a medium-sized refrigerator to go along with them. At leastthey kept one of the staples of college constant. I saw all of mybelongings piled in a corner on top of a bed. At least I was next to awindow. There was one TV in the room, probably 42 inches in length.Positioned in front of it were a large collection of ancient grey couchesthat looked horribly uncomfortable to sit on. I walked over and sat on theedge of one of the couches. I was right, they were horrendous. Not enoughcushion to be comfortable but just enough that one might hope they wouldbe. As zoned out watching the TV series Scrubs, hoping that Zach Braff's(John Dorian) awkward-style Preteen Boy comedy or John McGinley's (Perry Cox) crudesarcasm would soothe my ass that was aching after four minutes of sittingon that couch of evil.After an episode, I decided to go organize my belongings in my tinyarea of personal space. It seemed that the administration decided to takeit upon themselves to throw away what they considered unnecessary,including my snacks, my roommates TV, and my iHome. After I had made my bedto my liking sprawled out on my bed and took out my iPhone. I began to playTetris, one of my comfort games from when I was a child. After some time Idozed off in what I presume was an attempt to dream of happier times.I was stirred by someone shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyesgroggily to find Nick. Wearily I blinked a few times and wiped theeye-crust out of my eyes. I looked around, thinking that I would findhidden cameras and thinking that I had just been pushed out of the closet."Hey Eric!" shouted the overly enthusiastic Nick. Still thinking itwas a joke, I slapped myself playfully across the face. When I didn't wakeup I began to smile; this was the first time in a long time that I had beentruly happy. It seemed he was my savior in a dark time."How's it going Nick? Why the hell are you here?" I replied ascheerfully as a college-student who just woke up could manage."I thought I told you over the weekend. Preteen Boy I'm in this program at yourcollege; if I do really well in it I can skip grades in high school! Isn'tthat awesome?" Nick informed me. "I didn't know YOU would be living in mydorm though. That sort of puts a damper on things for me," he said as hegrinned toothily.I scratched my head thoughtfully and grinned back at him. I hadn'theard of such a program, but if it brought Nick to college with me I wasdefinitely all for it.While I was in deep thought, Nick started to tug on my arm, "Comeon, let's go watch TV!" I stretched and quickly got up to follow him to thecouches. I sat down first on the long couch and he sat down right next tome. Thinking he just wanted to talk while watching TV, I didn't thinkanything of it. We watched a double header "It's Always Sunny inPhiladelphia" for an hour and then Nick excused himself to the restroom. Ashe got up, I did my friendly butt pat as I always do; it's a really goodexcuse to touch him. I let it linger a second longer than I should have andI know Nick felt that. His reaction, however, was unexpected. He sat backdown. On my hand. My hand was under his butt, his entire weight resting inthe palm of my hand. I was excited for a moment, and then my eyes lit up infear. Fear of Nick realizing that I left my hand under his butt for areason. Fear of those sitting on the couches nearby realizing that my handwas under Nick's butt. But most of all the fear of being forced out of thecloset.Nick made my fear go away in an instant when he turned to me andsmiled knowingly. I went to go say something, but he simply shook his headand then flexed his butt muscles in order to let me feel it. He got upwordlessly and walked towards the bathroom. I sat there looking at the TVwithout knowing what was going on. I was speechless. No, I was stunned. No,I was petrified. Not with fear, but with surprise. With wonder. I didn'tknow what was going on. It felt like a dream, but I sorely did not want itto be. I wanted it to be real and goddamn it, it felt real.As he walked into the room and headed to his bed, which just sohappened to be directly next to mine, I watched him. He seemed to bewaggling his butt, but not to everybody, directly at me. He did a smalljump and twisted in the air to land on his bed face up. I looked at thechildlike innocence and amazement in his face as he lay there looking atthe dark and cracked ceiling. When I looked up towards the ceiling I hearda soft giggle and soft footsteps running towards me."Made Preteen Boy ya look!" he exclaimed as he burst out laughing. I started todie laughing at the juvenile prank that had just been pulled on me. He satdown next to me again but this time closer to me. We were sitting with ourthighs touching. If only this happened a month earlier in September ratherthan the chilly month of October then we would have been wearing shorts andperhaps our skin could have been brushing. As it was, I felt cold chillsrunning down my spine, goosebumps forming on my skin, and my light hairstanding on edge. Nick sat to my left with his left hand over his head andthe right resting on his knee and slightly touching my connecting knee.A lump in my throat had formed and I couldn't even think coherentsentences let alone speak them. This was the closest I had ever come to oneof my crushes reciprocating my feelings. Preteen Boy I was still in awe. I knew Ineeded to act fast or forever lose my chance. I lifted my left arm and putit on the couch just above his shoulders. Without realizing it, this madeour hands extremely close. I lifted my index finger and placed it on hishand. Nick bumped his shoulder into mine causing my arm to fall from thecouch onto his shoulder. I quickly took it off for fear of what peoplewould think and placed my hand on my knee. And then shock of electricitycoursed through my body. Nick had grabbed my hand. He was holding my hand.I stopped caring what anyone else thought. We sat there for whatseemed like hours but more than likely was mere minutes. Every now andagain I would glance at him especially when he was laughing. The laughsthat came out of Nick's mouth were so childlike it made me actually happyto be alive rather than depressed at that same fact. As we sat there Irealized that the true goal of a relationship is not sex but true love. Andthat is what I felt at that moment.Love is different to every person. To me as of now it is when youcan sit there in a moment of complete bliss, uncaring of what anyone thinksof you. Be who you truly are. When you don't have to fear anything. And inthat moment, I feared nothing. I felt that there was nothing else in theworld besides myself and Nick. That moment was pure bliss.That moment was simply a dream.I considered having sex, but I feel that this ending was a lotbetter. Sorry for those who expected something Preteen Boy to happen. Maybe next storyI'll consider that. Although, I've tried before and I am never satisfiedwith any sex in my stories. We'll see. Until Preteen Boy next time. --Eric
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